Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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