this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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