I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
