I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize