That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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