Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
