he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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