Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
