I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize