Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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