It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
only you would photoshop your dick
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
