The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
