so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
