I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
