I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
