saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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