once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize