Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
