Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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