He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
