So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
