so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
