Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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