hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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