We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Small penises have feelings too.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Randomize
