I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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