I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
