I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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