So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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