I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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