My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
