Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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