he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
