I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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