You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
