he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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