The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
