he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
