then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
