I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
