just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
