O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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