I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i now understand why vodka
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
