Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
