thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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