So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
