I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize