I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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