They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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