So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
