Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
