Swine flu. Run for my life!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
