Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
