Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
