yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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