I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just invented taco cereal.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
