Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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