How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
