walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
FUCK WHALES
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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