It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
