Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Reggie can tackle my bush.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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