Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
