some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
