weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You have to summon your inner elephant
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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