I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
